Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Princess Vince's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, November 8th, 2009
9:38 pm	Checking In I am going to LA on Tuesday for a business trip. I'm not looking forward to it. I feel like I've been traveling so much lately, and would just really like a break. I'll try to make the best of it, though. It should be a good time with my co-workers, if nothing else. Last week, Andy's friend came to visit for the week. He and Andy are working on a game together. It's great when Derek is here because he's a great source of encouragement for Andy. He really thinks that Andy has the talent to make it in the industry, and that the success/money will come, it's just a matter of when. This is really reassuring for both Andy and me to hear, especially since Derek has already made it as a game developer. He's been around the block and has seen what else is out there. I found myself feeling very optimistic after Derek said this. But to the point where I am feeling too optimistic, like it's going to happen. I know that life is full of surprises, and nothing is guaranteed. It's all in God's divine and sovereign will to give and to take away. So I don't want to be too hopeful, but I am allowing myself to be a little hopeful. Which might be somewhat of a healthy change in attitude since I have been skewing towards fairly pessimistic these past 6 months. Though then I started thinking, what if Andy really did make it? After talking to Derek, I'm starting to get an idea of the scope of money that can be made in the industry, and it's more than I had originally thought. I think in my mind I only allowed myself to dream of very, very moderate success -- as in, enough money to be a comfortable middle class and not poor. Then I started wondering what it would be like if Andy made a lot of money, and we were actually wealthy. It was weird because one half of me started dreaming of all the great things we could do and buy. But the other half of me was saying that this would not be the right attitude to have if we did indeed have that kind of money. I started thinking that if God really did want to test me and challenge me, he should make us wealthy. It's one thing to not have the money. In a way, that actually makes things simple because you just won't be able to afford a lot of things. But when faced with the ability to get those things, that's when the struggle comes in -- do you or don't you? Anyway, I shouldn't think too far ahead. It makes for some interesting thought, but I'm trying to focus on one day at a time. Life seems to be dragging at an interminable pace as we wait to see whether Andy's work will take off or not. I need to slow down and enjoy life where we are. What will come, will come, whether we like it or not. (i gave you my heart)
Friday, September 25th, 2009
11:29 pm	Random Thoughts I saw Obsessed tonight. LOVED it! "You think YOU'RE crazy?! I'll SHOW you crazy." Watched a lot of the MTV Music Video performances online, and thought Lady Gaga, Jay-Z and Beyonce did an awesome job. Totally in love with "Paparazzi" and "Empire State of Mind" now. I know people thought Lady Gaga went off the deep end with that performance and the outfits, but I kind of thought it was brilliant. I think Jay-Z and Beyonce are such a cute couple, and I love how low-key they are. And I think Beyonce seems really sweet and classy, especially with how she handled the Taylor Swift thing at the MTV awards. A lady stopped me the other day at Walmart and said to me, "You have such beautiful skin." I never thought I would ever hear anyone say that to me. I was speechless for a while, but it was nice to hear. :) Though I would like to thank birth control pills and bareMinerals for my clear skin. I've been reading Tender at the Bone: Growing Up at the Table by Ruth Reichl. It's a food memoir, and has made me totally want to eat and cook and experience food. I made a resolution to jog twice a week. (i gave you my heart)
Friday, September 11th, 2009
9:24 pm	TGIF Today, we received an invitation in the mail for a wedding that we weren't expecting to be invited to. It was such a pleasant surprise. There have been a few weddings that we weren't invited to these past couple of years, which were tough because everyone else in our social circle had been invited. It really stings, as much as I hate to admit it. It makes you wonder if there's something wrong with you, or unlikeable about you. What I try to remind myself is that I am always invited to the weddings for the people that really matter to me. In the end, it's probably just as well since we don't have the money to spend on tons of weddings anyway. I'm spending tonight -- a chilly, rainy Friday night -- at home, watching TV (Inside Man on Ion TV), with my dog dozing at my feet. I am very happy. These sorts of nights are perfect. The only thing that is missing is my husband, who is hard at work downstairs in the basement. Andy has a big deadline he's working towards -- the IGF (Independent Gaming Festival) awards submission. The deadline is November 1. He's going to be working like a maniac until then. For the past year and a half since he's quit his job, he's had one deadline or another. Just until X when I launch my first product. Just until Y when I have the big Random House interview. Just until Z when we get to PAX. I'm starting to realize that this may not end for a very long time. So far I've dealt with it alright -- I have moments of up and down. But I'm scared that this cycle will continue indefinitely. I've been telling myself that this is only until he "makes it." But what constitutes "making it?" A lot of times, I think success is such a gradual process that it's hard to know when you've reached it. In the meantime, the striving for success has turned you into such a workaholic who has become isolated from his family and the other important things in your life. We're pretty balanced people, but there are moments when I fear for us, and realize how easy it would be to slip away from each other. I'm going to turn in early tonight. What a luxury. It's moments like these when I know I'm getting very old. (i gave you my heart)
Thursday, September 10th, 2009
10:45 pm	Sorry for the Radio Silence I'm terrible at keeping this thing up. I love it in theory, but in practice...well, things fall apart. Andy and I went to PAX last week, a big video game convention sponsored by Penny Arcade. I had a great time, crazy as that may sound, since I am not a gamer at all. Yes, I had panic moments where I just saw waves of geeks coming at me (the convention was HUGE), but all and all, these were some of the nicest people I've ever met. They were so appreciative of the work that Andy's done with his interactive book. It was just great to hear the feedback after months of total silence, not knowing if anyone cared or not. I'm looking at posts that I'd put up last summer, and thinking back to my mindset back then, when Andy first quit his job at M&D, and started out on this whole crazy adventure. I was so apprehensive back then. I just didn't know how we were going to survive, having our household income more than halved. Looking back on it now, having gotten through the year, I feel like I was being a bit silly and overreacting. Yes, I had to give up things like designer clothes and expensive dinners out, but I learned to be humble, resourceful and appreciative, which are lessons that have been incredibly invaluable. I'm in a much better place right now, as far as Andy's career is concerned. It's not that we're now making money (we're really not). And it's not that things seem a little more certain (he has some things in the pipeline, but nothing definite). But I'm just realizing that we'll be okay -- no matter what, no matter how much or how little we have, no matter whether Andy's career takes off or not. God's taking care of us. That sounds flippant, but I mean that with all sincerity. God's taking care of us, and we'll be ok. So here's to all of the uncertainty and minuscule revenue! Current Mood: hopeful (i gave you my heart)
Thursday, July 31st, 2008
8:52 pm	The Godfather II For some reason, watching movies puts me in the mood to blog. I just finished watching The Godfather II. Brilliant. I still think I like the first one the best though. But the first one is a total classic with unforgettable lines. You know, before the Godfather, I'd only seen Al Pacino as an old geezer in hokey movies like Devil's Advocate. But now that I've seen him in The Godfather, I get it. He is an amazing actor, with incredible presence on-screen. Sort of makes me wish I'd married an Italian gangster. I received the September issue of Lucky in the mail today. I am just waiting for that subscription to run out. I realized this past year how useless a magazine it is. It's just a big catalog. With clothes and shoes I can't afford. Can't believe it's almost Friday. The week has just flown by. But I'm soooo ready for the weekend. (i gave you my heart)
Friday, July 25th, 2008
10:06 pm	Elephant I just finished watching Elephant, the 2003 Gus Van Sant movie that basically mirrors the Columbine shootings. It was seriously disturbing. Seriously disturbing. And there really isn't that much blood. I thought the main actor, Alex Frost, who plays one of the teenage shooters was brilliant. And cute. Sort of a young John Cusack in looks (probably why I thought he was so cute!). So I googled him to see what he's doing now five years later, and he's still an actor. (He was discovered as an unknown in the city of Portland OR where Van Sant lives and filmed the movie.) Anyway, he is not that cute as a grown up man of 21. Kind of weird how age does that to you, huh? Then again, he has time yet to grow into a different kind of attractive. I guess I'm thinking of aging since my birthday is on Monday. While I was in Ocean City MD last week, I noticed age spots around my eyes which freaked me out. It was the first real sign of aging I've ever really seen on myself. Scary to think that I am actually getting old and will continue to do so. Up until now, I've felt young and invincible. But now my body is starting to betray me, and will only continue to betray me. It's an icky feeling. Ugh, now I have indigestion from the stress of watching that movie... (i gave you my heart)
Sunday, June 22nd, 2008
11:12 am	Short Devotional by Dylan Potter This was written by my dear friend Jacqueline's husband. It really spoke to me, and is most definitely worth a read. ************************ Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6 The Israelites were stranded in the middle of a scruffy wasteland with their leader on death's doorstep and a young, relatively inexperienced Joshua waiting in the wings. Their predicament is not so dissimilar to ours simply considering that the future is always opaque and forbidding regardless of one's location on the map of world history. The very act of living presumes an acquaintance with fear. After all, who has not experienced the abject terror that comes from the unknown? The best filmmakers know that nothing is more frightening to an audience than not knowing what comes next. The questions we ask ourselves reveal that we know this truth as well. Where shall I work? Will my mom beat the cancer? What will become of our subversive teenager? Where is God? This idea is captured brilliantly by T.S. Eliot, I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker, And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker, And in short, I was afraid. Unlike Eliot, it strikes me that I am even afraid to acknowledge the simple truth that I am afraid. I only resist this weakness because I prefer the illusion of strength. Are you also that way? Fear is a primeval force which drives much of human action. However, fear typically masquerades as strength: in an aggressive will to power, a red sports car, or all those hours in the gym pursuing the ever-elusive physique. I am basically afraid that by not asserting myself in my career, transportation or physical body, I will need to depend upon God's promise instead. This promise is the fact that YHWH, the Creator of all things visible and invisible, is astoundingly greater than whatever it is that terrifies you. Thinking on a larger scale, it is even possible to see the insidious traces of fear in the way consumers shop-till-they-drop, nations launch pre-emptive strikes, and churches insulate themselves from anything and anyone who might upset the proverbial apple cart. Yet Jesus routinely ventured into the fringe areas of people's lives to confront their fear-based motivations. What these people met in Jesus was a person who was simply neither afraid nor ashamed of his reliance upon God. 'The son can do nothing by himself.' Neither can you. The only way we can experience and communicate this not-afraid-ness is to recognize and testify to the fact that the Triune God has been doing quite a good job of leading people through the void long before we were born, and will continue to do so even as we, like Moses, are swept up into his eternity. To paraphrase Hamlet, who knows what dreams may come after that? What Christianity says is that this fear of ours is both entirely rational and entirely unnecessary. It is rational in the sense that life itself is daunting, to say the least. Dogs bite. Waistlines grow with age. People living along the way to the Promised Land are not always nice. Those things are all thoroughly legitimate and should never be denied because they drive us to the promise. However, fear is also irrational for those of us who cling to the Vine for sustenance and crowd about the Shepherd for safety. "Do not be afraid or terrified because of them!" Moses booms during his last moments on earth, "God goes with you!" This is to say that what ultimately matters in life is God's word of promise to your particular fear. Jesus continues to echo this promise to you even today, 'I am with you always. I will never leave you nor forsake you.' Take courage fearful heart, he meant it, literally. (i gave you my heart)
Friday, June 20th, 2008
11:49 pm	Lust, Caution It's almost midnight. I watched Lust, Caution tonight, a Chinese-language Ang Lee film set in the 1940s during Japanese-occupied China. It made me super depressed. It was one of those character-driven films all about love, betrayal, loneliness, patriotism, loyalty. You know, all those huge monumental sort of life themes that make for good art movie fodder. What made it so sad for me was the characters -- they were all so damaged. I guess my depression should be a testament to the acting which was haunting and nuanced. On a related note, I unfortunately happened to get the NC-17 rated version...from the library!! Who thinks to look whether the DVD is X rated when they're borrowing it from their local library?! Anyway, it was quite shocking, and I didn't think I'd be shocked since I'm married and all. At one point, I turned to Andy and said, "Honey, I think we've been doing it wrong this whole time." (i gave you my heart)
Tuesday, June 17th, 2008
10:13 pm	Are You Who You Really Think You Are? I haven't updated this site in a year and a half! Wow. Here I am though. Tonight, I hung out with my friend, Rachel, and we got to talk about life and the things that are going on with us. It was good to talk to someone who understands some of the issues that I'm really struggling with right now. Why can't I have financial security? Why do I have to struggle? The other day I was in the supermarket, in the meat aisle, debating between buying a package of pork chops for $6 or a huge package of chicken drumsticks for $3.50. I finally went with the drumsticks. I have never had to struggle with choosing food based on price. No matter how much I may have had to deprive myself of cable TV or a piece of clothing, I have never deprived myself of food or choosing the type of food I've wanted to eat. That was a sad moment for me. It's interesting how this situation has gotten me thinking about the things we want most in life and how those things begin to define who you are -- not necessarily to yourself -- but to other people. (Because in some sense, you are never actually the person that you perceive yourself to be. In actuality you're a skewed version of that person you envision.) So I started thinking about the thing that I want most in life and how that shapes who I am and how that thing defines other people's perception of me. Because no matter how clever we think we are at concealing our heart's desire, people see through that and into who we really are. And that is a vulnerable feeling. I don't know if I like that. I think about my friends and the things that they want most in life. Greg just wants to serve the Lord through Bible studies and church and stuff. Andy's mom just wants to take care of her kids. Nicole just wants to be a mom. Joe just wants to make a lot of money and be successful in his career. Kandi just wants to be a wife and a mom. April just wants to love the Lord. Andy just wants to be creative, and to create things. What are the things that define me, for better or for worse? How do people perceive me? I want to be well-to-do? I want to buy designer clothes? I want to eat well? In actuality I want to be perceived as someone who loves my friends, who is devoted to God's word and the church. But until my heart is that, I will not be perceived that way. Your true self always comes through, for better or for worse. Current Mood: thoughtful Current Music: NBA Playoffs (i gave you my heart)
Tuesday, December 19th, 2006
9:37 pm	I'm getting a Blackberry tomorrow for work. I feel like this is the beginning of the end of innocence. (4 pens | i gave you my heart)
Thursday, June 8th, 2006
9:38 am	the princess makes her singing debut. check out andy's hot new children's band, yumfu. listen to "hear comes the bear" - that's me in the duet!! (i gave you my heart)
8:35 am	end of an era... or the beginning of one? i'm just about finished my bottle of palmolive dish soap. you must be wondering why that matters or why i think you would care. well, this may be the end/beginning of an era. i bought this bottle of dish soap at walmart when i first moved to connecticut... nearly four years ago!! crazy, right? it's not a small bottle, but it's also not some impossibly big costco-size bottle either. can you believe it's taken so long for me to use it? and keep in mind that my first two years in ct, i didn't have a dishwasher! i'm a bit sad about the day i'm going to have to throw it away. that thing's been with me through some of my more formative years. like a good and loyal friend. sad... :( (i gave you my heart)
Tuesday, June 6th, 2006
9:52 pm	free!!! i went a little berserk-o tonight, and started signing up for some free samples. i was inspired by a free sample pack of dentyne ice that i received in the mail today. i forgot that i'd signed up for it a long time ago. anyway, so this is what i'm expecting in the mail in 4-6 weeks time... Aquafresh toothpaste Metamucil starter kit Yogi Tea Company Calgon Perfect Bliss Clairol Herbal Essences shampoo Head and Shoulders shampoo very exciting! off to explore more free stuff! (1 pen | i gave you my heart)
Friday, June 2nd, 2006
12:01 pm	something that i'm learning is that when you sit down to do the work (write), something will happen. you will have a piece (or two or more) of writing on your hands. i'm slowly beginning to learn the discipline part of the craft. the part that just needs to be methodical and peck and peck and peck despite doubts, distractions, hunger, fatigue, other matters that are demanding your attention. and if you're faithful to glueing your butt to the seat and working despite all of that junk - you will be rewarded more times than not. i've learned this through the help of the book, the war of art, by steven pressfield, which is a great book for anyone who struggles with disciplining themselves to do their work. i think i've also been learning this lesson through my pr work, where the progress you make is just you sitting down faithfully and contacting journalists, one at a time. and inevitably, for every ten you write to with no response, one will write back to you. and just think, that builds up over time. amazing. (i gave you my heart)
Monday, May 29th, 2006
9:13 pm	has anyone heard that song, "i write sins, not tragedies" by panic! at the disco? i first heard it by seeing the video on mtv, and thought it was just a weird weird song. but then i decided i really liked the song... it's really catchy and a cool commentary on how people love to gossip behind friend's backs. it reminded me very much of the movie, friend with money, which had the same theme of these four friends who truly loved each other. but every time they were alone in couples or threes, they would just start talking about someone else in the group, sometimes in a way that seemed loving or full of concern, but was just a thin veil to justify the fact that they were gossiping. or sometimes it was a veil to cover up gossip borne out of jealousy and a desire to make themselves feel good about themselves. it's very condemning to see it on-screen. but later on, i thought about all the times i've done that in my own life, and i felt really bad. i definitely think if there's one thing i struggle with it's gossip. and reading those trashy celebrity gossip rags does not help the matter at all. (i gave you my heart)
Friday, May 26th, 2006
10:58 pm	So I'm becoming a bit of a dog fanatic. (I spent two hours surfing the SPCA website tonight looking for a dog to adopt. I kept updating Andy every couple of minutes whenever I found a really cute one. Then I would just start crying while reading their bios and learning about their sad lives, i.e. being abandoned, being mistreated, etc. Andy was very concerned about my behavior and asked me if it was that time of month again.) Don't know how this all happened, but I think it may have started with this eulogy that I read on my Columbia friend, Tammy's Xanga. It was really moving and written by her dad when their family dog passed away. It made me cry actually... * * * * * To those who know Goldie: December 2000 Goldie, who was a greyhound and the only 4-leg member of our family, left us on 11/15/2000 at the age of 15. Burkon and Tammy were informed of a week later when they came home for Thanksgiving. Goldie acted perfectly normal a night before (11/14/2000). She had a good appetite and completed her meal quickly that night. She went to the back yard for her routine business around 11:30 PM and then stayed in kitchen with Helen who was reading newspaper passing mid-night. That night (actually early morning of 11/15/2000), Goldie passed away very peacefully while sleeping on her pillow next to the dinner table in kitchen. No sign of struggle during her last moment. In fact, Helen noticed nothing unusual in the morning and left for work quietly in attempt of not disturbing Goldie's sleep. I came down around 7:30 AM and observed Goldie showing no sign of chest movement which I had been watching closely for the past few months. I was stunned and my mind went totally blind. I shook her without response and repositioned the pillow under her head for comfort (Goldie's body was too long and most time her head and tail stretched outside of the pillow). Her body was still warm (maybe it was a shining morning and house heater was high) but a bit stiff. I moved her body into a huge transparent plastic bag and carried to the garage where the temperature was much cooler. I did not know what to do at that moment and, therefore, went to office to get my mind straight. After few phone calls with the veterinarians and animal hospitals, I went home with a dozen of yellow flowers. I carried Goldie into the van (reminding me of carrying her to upstairs for her last shower a week earlier) and drove to the Plansboro-West Windsor Animal Hospital (Goldie loved to ride in this van). A hospital technician helped me to lay Goldie on a cold metal operation table and left us alone for the final moment. I put the flowers and a big name tag in the bag to avoid any possible mix-up. I hugged Goldie gently and told her that we would miss her very much. I thanked her for being a loyal guardian angel for our children for many years and told her to enjoy herself in Heaven with no more worry since kids are now the grown-ups. I also told her that she would be cremated privately (Goldie was always nervous when with other 4-leg friends) and her ash would be returned home to be buried under her favor evergreen where she always sat or laid in the summer. Before coming to our home 11 years ago, Goldie was an outstanding champion dog and won many trophies during her racing career. I was told that her best record was about 40 miles per hour. We rescued her from a racetrack in Boston after her retirement at which time more than 90% greyhounds were put to sleep at age of 3 or younger. She weighted 65 pounds, stood at an approximate 25 inches in height and 30 inches in length, and had a short coat of brindle (striped as tiger) color (see attached). Despite her big size, she was a gentle and affectionate companion. Goldie faithfully accompanied our two children through the elementary and high school years. She missed them terribly when they left home for college, particularly when Tammy started college last year. Maybe Goldie thought that she was on longer able to watch over the kids on earth and decided to continue looking after them from the Heaven. Recently, Helen and I were discussing how to accommodate Goldie due to our upcoming overseas trip. We considered to board Goldie in a kennel or the greyhound adoption center although she definitely would not like it (Goldie had never been in such facilities). She might overhear our conversation and decided to leave on her own without adding burden upon us. She was so thoughtful and left us with guilty feelings. We believe that Goldie had a good life in our home and certainly enjoyed her retirement here. She was a significant part of our family. She had the best personality among all family members including myself because she always listened and never complained. She liked Chinese food, enjoyed car ride, listened to karaoke singing, and loved being with children. Although we miss her deeply, we are happy for her being in Heaven now. We will remember Goldie forever. (1 pen | i gave you my heart)
Wednesday, May 24th, 2006
9:27 pm	our downstairs neighbors smoke cigars in their porch and all of the smoke drifts upstairs into our apartment. it's terrible!!! i can't stand it. i have a headache now. :( so i went to loehmann's tonight and bought a denim miniskirt that (i think) i'd tried on two years ago by paper denim and cloth. but when i came home and tried it on, i was suddenly hit with the realization that i am one of those uncool people that is stuck in the past. you know who i'm talking about - those people who are just five years behind the curve. yes people - i am getting old. this is a terrible terrible moment. i remember when i was in college and you'd see these people in their late-20s, early-30s wearing stonewashed denim jeans from the Gap. you just felt so bad for them. they're not old farts yet, but they're just old enough to not know what the young people are doing. yes, that has become me. for example, bootleg jeans. they're out. gotta get tapered leg jeans - or at least straight leg. denim miniskirts? uh-uh child. bermuda shorts are what's hot. at least i'm keeping up with the big beaded necklaces. or maybe i just need to accept the fact that i'm getting old and just let myself get swept away by the undertow of time... (2 pens | i gave you my heart)
Saturday, May 20th, 2006
7:43 am	roar i have a new addiction: animal planet. i was watching miami's animal police or whatever, and i was totally transfixed. it's about these, well, miami animal police, who go out and rescue animals who are being abused. so wednesday night's episode involved: 1) busting up a cock fighting ring. they apparently just put the cocks down humanely because they're bred to be so violent, they can't live with other animals. 2) saving two pregnant dogs from an abandoned house. they ended up performing a c-section to one of the dogs because she was so malnourished. she had 13 puppies in her!!! plus, the vets were under the gun because they can only put the animals under anesthesia for so long before they just stop breathing and die. 3) arresting a guy who had beaten a kitten to the point of blinding her. the kitten is doing just fine now though. :) 4) finding a woman who is an animal hoarder and apparently had like 30-some dogs in her apartment and like 50-some cats. she ran an animal adoption agency out of her home. all she had was a tiny cot to sleep on. miami law is that you're only allowed a max of 4 adult dogs per house, so they gave her two weeks to find homes for the rest of the dogs. however, there's no rule against how many cats you keep and how many puppies, so she kept all those. anyway, i learned a LOT through watching the show. plus, the animals are so cute! this must be a better addiction than mtv, right? (1 pen | i gave you my heart)
Monday, May 15th, 2006
11:43 pm	nevermind... i didn't fix the date on my livejournal. oh well. =T just so you know, my lj entries read one day ahead of the actual day that i post them. (2 pens | i gave you my heart)
Saturday, May 13th, 2006
12:08 pm	i fixed the date on my livejournal finally! i flat-ironed my hair this morning. it looks pretty hot, and it's really easy to do. i recommend flat ironing to everyone! my mom used to always encourage me to keep my hair long because you only get to do that when you're young. when you're older, you have to keep it short, otherwise you look like a crazy woman with wild hair. it just struck me that i may not have that many long-haired years left in me. i mean, i think by the time i'm in my mid-thirties, i have to start watching it. it depends too, though, if you have a youthful face. if you have a youthful face, you can get away with having long hair longer than the average woman. i just finished reading how to be good. eh, it was ok. i'm going to start on the history of love by nicole krauss. i'm excited. supposed to be excellent. a perfect day for my yellow wellies! i'm going to put them on now and go meet lillian and emily for lunch at pcp. (2 pens | i gave you my heart)